Don't underestimate your power
I had some business that needed taking care of and I was nervous about it but the young man across the counter took it all in his stride, offered helpful suggestions and was patient when I rambled. When it was all done I thanked him (maybe too profusely) for making it easy for me. He smiled and good-naturedly said, "I was only doing my job." As I was leaving I told him (something like): "You underestimate the gift you give people. There’s a host of us that come, nervous and ignorant and sometimes even fearful. What we need is someone who does his/her job with kindness and competence; someone that recognises his or her place of authority and knows what power is for. I found that in you and want to thank you for it. You helped make a very difficult day more than bearable."
My early years help explain a deep fear I have of people in authority and my great relief when an authority figure turns out to be kind instead of tyrannical. Now and then when I meet someone like that I know I become "too" thankful and it can be embarrassing. I remind myself of Joe Gargery in Great Expectations. Blacksmith Joe was married to Pip’s sister and had taken the boy in when his parents died. Pip was now upper class with "great expectations" and Joe had come a long way to bring him a message. Intimidated by his much younger friend's status the insecure Joe continued to wipe his feet on the doormat until Pip (hiding his irritation) made him stop it and come into the house. I don’t like this tendency to grovel that’s in me but there it is. I most often can hide it but I’m always fully aware of it and almost always have to resist it.
But that doesn’t alter the truth I rehearsed about the prevailing need for kindness in those who have the "upper hand". I suppose we all have power over someone in some way and how fine it is when we exercise that power in a sensitive, helpful way. We don’t know who we’re dealing with, don’t you see! The one before us may be trembling inside, too anxious to please, desperately wanting to be liked so that the blows (verbal or visual or tonal) might not fall. Matheson was asked (after something like fifty years of preaching) if he had it to do it over again what changes he would make. He said he’d make it kinder because everyone was wrestling with great burdens.
But sometimes even to be "kind" is a heroic feat. Given exceptional circumstances "fairness" is true heroism. To be fair to an enemy, to someone that has seriously hurt you or to someone that ceaselessly and slyly undermines you—to be fair to such people is no mean feat.
Viktor Frankl who endured the Nazi camps tells of the torment that so many poor souls found unendurable and took leave of the world. Many things helped him to survive but one thing he took time to rehearse in his book Man’s Search for Meaning occurred daily when the food was being passed out in the mess hall. As soon as he entered the big room Frankl looked to see if a certain man was part of the feeding crew. If he was there Viktor knew that he was about to experience fairness. The man never lifted his head as he ladled out soup or handed out bread. He saw only the outstretched bowl. He didn’t want to see the faces in case he saw someone he didn’t like and was overcome by the temptation to be spiteful. He didn’t want to see the face of someone he liked and to give him more than his share and so cheat someone else. In that wilderness of maddening injustice and spite Frankl knew he was about to taste more than thin soup and hard bread--he would savour fairness!
Should the man have served with his head high and so resist the temptation in a braver way? In that hell-hole? I’d never be the one to dare to teach that man how to behave! And Frankl who didn’t have the luxury to sit in comfort and make such a judgement—he saw it as a gift!
Maybe we aren’t up to the task to be loving and maybe even to be kind is too big a stretch right now. But maybe if we can be fair, later we can be kind and then, who knows, by God’s generous and enabling grace we can become loving.
I need to tell you that how the young man treated me didn’t only make a difference to my day—it made a difference to my outlook and spirit. Why else would I be writing about it at this late date and feeling the warmth again? Don’t underestimate your power.
©2004 Jim McGuiggan. All materials are free to be copied and used as long as money is not being made.
Many thanks to brother Ed Healy, for allowing me to post from his website, theabidingword.com.
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